Category: News


Where is Love, a ten-movement song cycle, debuted in Raleigh, NC on June 21, 2009. The response was very positive and it was a great experience for me, Triangle Gay Men’s Chorus and the audience.

performed the Baritone Solo and I sang the Tenor Solo.
My mom, brother and close friends sat in the front row, among them Sally and Amy, for whom “Winter Before the Fire” was written.
From the “From the Composer” section of the concert program:
Where is Love started out as one song in 2005 entitled ‘Red Rose.’ I made a demo recording of the first and second drafts of the piece to present to people I believed could help me improve on the piece.
Upon hearing the demo recording, TGMC Artistic Director John-Philip Mullinax made some suggestions to improve on the song, and then suggested that I email the recording to Dr. Tim Seelig, then Artistic Director for Turtle Creek Chorale in Dallas, Texas. Dr. Seelig’s response was a very positive.
Then in February 2007, I met with Dr. Seelig in New York City. I was a member of a mass choir that would be performing When We No Longer Touch by Kristopher John Anthony. It is this work that inspired me to write ‘Red Rose’ and later take on the journey of writing Where is Love.
Dr. Seelig and I met briefly after one of the rehearsals and he was very warm and encouraging. He also suggested that I keep writing music because he thought that I had promise as a composer.
‘Red Rose’ debuted in June of 2006 and was released as a CD single later that year. As I talked with John-Philip Mullinax, fellow chorus members and friends about ‘Red Rose,’ I realized that there was more to the story that the song hinted at.
And so began the journey to what you will hear tonight. Three years later, almost to the day since I wrote the first concept draft of what would become ‘Red Rose,’ Where is Love makes its world premier. It is a story about a journey to find love.

What does it really mean to love,
anyway? And in the midst of that question lies
another, ‘Where is God’s love for me?’
I am honored to have Dr. Seelig, who has provided so much encouragement over these past few years, here beside me this evening.
I am also deeply indebted to my band of brothers, Triangle Gay Men’s Chorus, to John-Philip Mullinax, and to my friends who have all supported me and believed in this work.”


After a very successful world premier of Where is Love, Triangle Gay Men’s Chorus performs “Winter Before the Fire” at the GALA Choruses 2008 International Festival in Miami.
It was an extraordinary moment. We completed the third piece in our set and then John-Philip Mullinax, our Artistic Director, Announces “Winter Before the Fire” and the soloist, Kevin Tillman, the composer. I step up to the microphone. For me, this is one of those moments I’ve worked for the past two and a half years…
We’d premiered the full work Where is Love two weeks prior. It went extremely well and to get the opportunity to sing the Tenor Solo next to Tim Seelig’s sublime Baritone was just incredible!
So for the GALA performance, it was decided that we would perform “Winter Before the Fire” as we had done at the premier. Tim and I would sing our respective parts. How wonderful that would be!
The day before we were to perform, I got a call from Tim. Tim ended up with a very bad throat infection that pretty much ruled out our initial plan.
I was pretty nervous at that point – well let’s face it, I was a nervous wreck the moment we got in Miami just wondering how well it would all go, and by all, I don’t just mean my song, but the whole set. Sure we sounded great and we presented ourselves well – it’s just a personal thing I go through nearly every big performance we have.
Fortunately, everything was on our side. Though the final work was written for Tenor and Baritone, initially, it was written for a tenor (me) as a “Wedding-Cake Party” present for my friends, Sally and Amy. So we were good there. In the end, our AD spent some time talking me down, helping me relax and finally saying, after critiquing part of my solo, “Believe me.” I’m not sure if he meant that I should trust what he was saying and relax in that section of the piece or if he meant to project an earnest reflection of the song in my manner. I decided to take it both ways, and in the video, I think that shows (thus the indelible grin on my face.)
So the music begins. The chorus moves to their new positions. From that point, I’m in the moment. I’ve spotted David, my boyfriend, in the forward rows video taping the performance.
And so, here we are. Here I am. Here we all are – a hall full of people who are singing to make change. And here we are singing a love song about a commitment between two women in front of the fire place in the midwinter.

Well, after a lot of procrastination and then exploring several options for a better, newer, easier program for the site, I decided to go with iWeb for the Mac.
I mean, let’s face it, it’s easier, faster and the interface is nice and clean.

There are plenty of templates and if and when I decide to change the look of the site, I won’t have to do anything more than change the template for the site. I can even make my own templates!


After several months of hard work and diligence, “Red Rose” is available for sale at CD Baby.com!
Thanks to Scott for making the suggestion to push to get my music on iTunes.
Oh, about iTunes, You can also download “Red Rose” from iTunes!
Other digital distributors will be available soon.

As some of you know by visiting my web site, I have been working rather diligently on a cycle of songs slated to be performed in the next fourteen months or so.

Most of my previous posts here give somewhat of a picture into why and how I’ve come to take this project on.
I have to admit that I’ve had my days of wondering, “What the heck have I gotten myself into?”
Why do I think like this? Because the gears are all turning and all of the other things that need to be happening are also in play. Triangle Gay Men’s Chorus is eager to work on the piece, I’ve applied for a fellowship from the NC Arts Council – that’s still up in the air, though – and the chorus has made the project part of it’s annual funding grant. So I’m pretty much locked in and it is a bug commitment!
But when I look back and remember why I’m doing it (see the most recent five or so posts) I calm down. In the end, I didn’t get myself into anything. The only thing I did was let God into my life and say “Not my will, but yours be done, Lord!” So what I have to do is live in to that.
But also acknowledge that there is no “I” in this. It is about God’s message, not mine. It is about God’s music and His hand and His Love – not mine. I am not alone in this – not just because I know that my brothers in the chorus and my brothers in Christ and my church are here with me, but above all because I know that His Hand is in this.
I have my moments of dreaming how wonderful the day will be when this work is performed and how people will like it and it will touch them – I, like many other normal human beings, will really want to bask in that as if it were all my doing. That is where many artists go, I think – the human ego loves that. But I will try my best to remember that it is God’s work – I am just the instrument.
It gets tough sometimes when the music or the words don’t happen – or they don’t make sense. That’s when I have to step away from the computer or the piano and go for a walk, or a drive and just stop thinking – stop trying and just let it happen.
So, last week I finished the outline. I know that I have nine songs in the cycle. I even know what those songs are. I have all but one of them in their basic musical score form.
The one I don’t have just happens to be my oldest song. My first love song to my first true love. I have it in a form where I can get it into a score, but to bring it to the current time and arrange it for men’s chorus seems odd for this song.
For me, it is such a personal thing, this one and a half minute tune – Back then, I laid out in words almost every simple metaphor I had for love at the time. Then when the object of my affection died, I added a spoken part in the middle about how he taught me what it meant to be loved and how he was still a part of me and he’d taken a piece of me with him.
That middle section is not to be spoken in the new work, though. Instead, a new set of lyrics will be placed there.
Like all of the other songs, there will be sacred text there. A brief glimpse at God’s love for us. A simple reminder to me that this is not just mine – it is a gift from Him to me and from me to Him.

In the long journey from the moment I lost the gift of my partner to AIDS to the present, I have come to the realization of the gift of his life and his death. In the least, for me, I have to say it simply, “I have loved.” Nothing has illustrated this as succinctly as a cycle of music titled “When We No Longer Touch.” If you read the background about this music you may begin to realize what I have learned. What I learned from him and others like him is this: we can make of our lives to others a gift from our hearts – we have that choice. The composer was facing his own death because of AIDS. What he decided to do was write his own requiem and in the process, he wrote something that has touched thousands of lives. The lyrics are based on the six phases of grief: Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance Hope and then the composer included the text from the Latin requiem mass. For me, along with helping me re-visit how I went through those phases after losing my partner, the composer also creates a thing of sheer beauty. After starting on a journey of self exploration that has come to my current point of striving for personal authenticity, I am in this place of being weary of being angry, hateful, and sometimes scared when I look at the world around me. I realized three basic things:

  1. Others are surely feeling the way I do – I’m not unique in my anxiety and my anger when I see all the injustice in the world.
  2. There are people in the world who are much better prepared to deal with the injustices and teach the Gospel and spread the Good News; standing on the street corner and protesting those who proclaim God’s word is “hatred” when necessary.
  3. God is ultimately in control and He has given me a specific task.

I believe I have finally come to a personal assurance of that task. I believe that in this crazy world, there need to be oases of calm and peace. There need to be places to take refuge from the storm. That rest is found in the Lord. I feel that with the help of the Spirit to guide me, I will try to provide some refuge. I hope to spread this art – my music and poetry – as far and wide as possible. Where does one start? Well that is another story for another post.

What the Heck am I Up To?

I know I’ve left this site languishing for a long time, but I am finally back to setting priorities. I have been overwhelmed with another project that I hope will be completed by the end of the month (YIPPEE!) After getting the encouragement from Dwayne H. Phillip M. And Tim S., I feel re-energized and ready to start focusing on completing some songs that have remained unfinished and arrange songs that are more or less ready for arrangement. I really am looking forward to getting back to writing. I have some minor recording projects from other groups that I need to focus on as well. All of these projects have been captured from the video and two I think have been saved in Digital Performer to mix down the audio. There really isn’t much left to do on these except mix down the audio and complete editing and marking the video projects. The audio projects will need to be separated into tracks. After I get these out of the way then I can get back to writing. I will very likely write while render files or output files are being created. I really feel blessed! I have people around me who are supportive and caring. They won’t hesitate to help correct me if I stray. They are willing to provide constructive criticism where it is needed. Far too often, people, esp. those close to you, will tell you what they think you want to hear. People around me have varying degrees of differing opinions, though not radically so. I finally posted to posts that have been sitting on my Palm Pilot for months (the previous 2) – I’m glad to get them out! Well, I have my work cut out for me. However, I have no doubt that with God’s help, I will be successful in all of these.